Trust in relation to your sexual relationship is an especially sensitive topic. Trust is a prerequisite for conscious sexual interaction to occur. It is the reason why most people do not jump into bed with anyone they have just met. In the following article we will look at the steps to create a trusting sexual relationship.
Building trust
We build trust with someone if their actions, behaviors and words come over as reliable, truthful and are making sense. When we first meet someone that we are attracted to we check each other out to find out whether we could trust them enough to let our guard down, to show our vulnerability and to enter into a more intimate interaction.
We have an inbuilt ‘trust detector’ that scans people and gives us a green light, when it seems safe to go on. Some people’s detectors are overly sensitive and they find it hard to trust anyone, maybe because they have been hurt or abused in the past. Other people’s detectors are not working as well and these people can often get themselves into situations where they are taken advantage of. Alcohol and other substances like drugs etc reduce the normal functioning our detector so be mindful.
Trust in sexual relationship
In sexual relationship we have a deeper need for trust, more than what we usually need in a friendship. This is because to be sexually intimate with someone we have to show our vulnerability, our naked body, bare our soul and let our guard down.
The reason why people often have one night stands and are less inhibited after a night of drinking alcohol is because the natural inhibitor to trust is being subdued.
In a committed relationship it is important to have explicit discussions about the likes and dislike of both partners to build a trusting sexual relationship. If you haven’t yet talked about ‘no-go zones’ this might be a good time to start mapping them out. Sexual intercourse will be more rewarding and satisfying when the trust is established and you have clarity over what your partner likes and dislikes. Getting to trust a new partner is the process of getting to know each other on an intimate level and feeling safe in showing your vulnerable side.
Like with building trust in general we need time to establish it. Give you partner the time they need and don’t rush them into things as this will be counter-productive to your state of trust. In a sexual context we need to allow time and space to discover each other.
Another very important aspect is to honor your partner, to respect them fully and to not overstep any previously discussed ‘no-go zones’.
