Have you ever been kicked when you were down? Perhaps lost everything you had? Or something as simple as something didn’t go your way?
Did you bounce back? Or Did you break and fall into victim mode spiraling into depression and anger?
We have all been there that is why today we are going to talk about resilience – Your ability to bounce back after being dealt a tough blow.
I have been dealt some tough blows in my time and I never realized it until now but I am resilient. Growing up my mother use to call me “her survivor”. Out of us three kids, I was the one who would pick herself up from her bootstraps and forge ahead.
When I was in my 20s I married and had my daughter – the marriage failed quickly and I had to leave the comforts of a supported lifestyle to raise my child on my own with no money, no home and no profession.
When I was in my 30s, my company was sold to another company who brought in the proverbial “manager from hell” and the job I held for so many years, I no longer enjoyed.
When I was in my 40s, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, beat it, only for it to resurface years later. Same year, I lost my job, my daughter lost hers and the family business was taking a beating.
Bottom line… I bounced back from all of that and very quickly.
What I learned from this self-reflection is the secret to bouncing back and here is what I have learned:
1) You need to have an honest conversation with yourself. – Ask those tough questions and provide real honest answers (not the angry answers or excuses you want to give) really sit down and reflect on what happened. If you had a part in it, own it.
2) Understand that you control your own destiny and that you are exactly at the moment you are at because of the choices you made… not what others have done to you. You have had the control of your life and the outcomes this entire time. If there was failure, it was your failure and you and only you will fix it.
3) To bounce back, you need to take action! You need to do something about it. All success in life comes from moving forward – taking that first step and taking action. You know what went wrong (remember you just had an honest conversation with yourself) now go figure out your next move.
4) Don’t get stuck on what didn’t work. Focus on creating something new that will work. Use your initiative and creativity to come up with ideas that will get you to your goal. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results, so the simple logic is, do something different.
5) Give yourself a break. Allow yourself to laugh at yourself and learn from this mistake. People grow tremendously from this type of insight. Don’t be hard on yourself, find the humor in the situation and share it with others. This vulnerability will connect you to those around you and will help keep you in a positive frame of mind.
6) Always take the high road. Integrity is your most valuable trait, keep it real. It will be easy to bash others and make excuses and find fault in everything around you. That is the easy path, the more difficult is to not find all the reasons something went wrong, but find the one reason to make it right. No matter what happened to you, live your life from a place of morality and high integrity. – What I have learned, the universe has a funny way of repaying you.
Just like the spout in the desert landscape, you too will begin to bloom into a thing of beauty. The saying is “what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger” – Well that is resilience and something each of us have in are arsenal of weapons to succeed.